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Due to popular demand, previous online testimonies have now been republished here for you to re-read and draw encouragement from. Alan's Story | Carolyn's Story | Liz's Story | Annabel's Story | Heather's Story M.E. can be very debilitating but it can also make sufferers fight, adapt and learn to live with the condition. Every month we will be publishing a testimony on this page from an M.E. sufferer about how they, in particular from a Christian perspective, have managed to push on and seek God in the midst of their hardships. We hope that they encourage you and help build up your faith. I love I.T. and fooling about on computers. That's why I was so eager to join HfME in the capacity of webmaster. I don't claim to be an expert or have all the answers when it comes to web development but like so many of us I'm always happy to learn and to try out new things. It helps as well that I've known Jacquie Taylor, the founder of HfME for eight years now. She's a wonderful, compassionate lady and it's a joy to be able to work with her. In March of 2003 I was hospitalised with a suspected stroke; quite worrying for a man of thirty seven I'm sure you'll agree. I spent eight days in Leicester General Hospital and after undergoing a multitude of tests I was, thankfully, given the all clear from the Stroke Ward. They didn't know exactly what was wrong with me but were satisfied that I was in no danger of having had a stroke. I was sensibly advised to "lose a bit of weight" and "take more exercise", which I promptly did and everything was fine. For about six weeks Then one morning in May I woke up feeling absolutely dreadful, as if I had flu, and to cut a long story short by eleven o'clock that night I was delirious and back in Leicester General with my life hanging in the balance. I had contracted a virus of some sort which went to my brain and gave me encephalytis. It was touch and go that first night although due to my delirium I can remember very little about it. But I made it, thank God. Over the next couple of weeks the virus then proceeded to go on a tour of my body, visiting the kidneys, liver and every vital organ inbetween including my heart. I honestly thought that I was going to die and even began to prepare myself for it. But I didn't die, I lived and, despite the medical staff (who I could never thank enough) being unable to identify the actual strain of virus, I was discharged and went home. I was still very weak and in considerable physical pain and took several months off work. Hindsight is a wonderful thing though, and on reflection I should have taken longer and looked after myself better. My problem was though that I've always been an active person and I absolutely loved my job and so i went back to work in the september. I knew deep down that I wasn't ready but I kept pushing myself every day. My wife, Amanda, kept telling me that I was in denial and I now know she was right because in January 2004, only six months after coming out of hospital I suffered a complete mental and physical breakdown. My whole world fell apart at the seams. I was physically wrecked and mentally shattered. Me, who had done so much actively all my life. I was given one different anti-depressant after another but none seemed to have much effect, plenty of side-effects but no real benefits. Then, because we had often visited the Abundant Life Church in Bradford for several years, and because we had fell in love with it, we decided to make the move to West Yorkshire. My GP and other medical people supported the idea, believing that a move and a change of lifestyle might be the best thing for me. And it turned out to be right in many ways, my mental state slowly improved and the psychiatric help I recieved was, and still is, first class. But something just wasn't quite right. I was getting weaker and weaker physically with each passing day and I began to notice a nagging muscular pain that refused to go away. It was Jacquie who first suggested to me that I ought to be checked out by an M.E/FMS specialist and so I did. Hey Presto! I was diagnosed as having acute Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue. That was eighteen months ago and I've still got it and probably will have for some time to come. The hardest thing I find is pacing myself. I've never been one to sit back and take it easy and even now I still have to be verbally restrained by Amanda to stop me over-doing it. I'm on amitryptiline (think that's how you spell it) for the pain and I have sedatives and anti-depressants etc but most importantly of all I've changed as a person. I've had to learn to stop fighting it my way and start fighting it God's way. He's given all human beings a wonderful gift called "Common Sense" and, like all gifts, it's up to us whether or not we accept it. I'm starting to use my common sense more and more towards my FMS and instead of seeing it as some kind of curse I can now see it as being something I can use to help others. I have a new empathy for others who live with a disability and the greatest thrill for me this year was to serve the elderly and disabled at the Cherish women's confernce at ALC, having saved up my energy for weeks before. It was a real blessing to help others, including some with FMS and it gave me such a sense of purpose and belief in myself, something that I hadn't known for a long time. Recently I read a passage of scripture that I must have read a dozen times before but this time it seemed to leap off the page at me. It was 1 Timothy 5 verse 23. Paul tells Timothy to "Stop drinking only water, and use a little wine because of your stomach and your frequent illnesses." WOW! Doesn't that just fly in the face of all those Christians who judge you because you have an illness and think that by quoting endless reams of scripture at you and telling you to pull yourself together they are in some way helping you? Timothy was Paul's right-hand man, in chapter 6 he refers to Timothy as "man of God". So we can gather that Timothy was no slouch when it came to his position in the church and yet we read that he had a stomach complaint and ongoing health problems. But you know what? I bet God used those problems to his advantage and made Timothy an empathetic witness to other sufferers. I take great encouragement from the thought that he is doing the same with me. Awesome! There is one bible verse that has been very important to me throughout my Christian life. I recieved it at my baptism on Easter Sunday 1997, it's Philippians 4:19 "And my God will provide all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." And do know what? He has, even in the midst of all that I've gone through and, I believe, he always will. My FMS isn't the end of my Christian life, it's the beginning of a new stage in my life and walk with God. Take care, trust Him, God bless - Alan I first wrote to Hope for M.E. in September 2002 after
reading Andrew Woods letter in July of that year. At that time I was mostly
housebound and severely restricted, using a stick to walk and also a
wheelchair. His letter was just what I needed to get me out of the
'victim' state of mind. Over the last 5 years I have been determined to make
progress, this has been very slow and gradual with target schedules and pacing.
I knew that to get over the burn and crash I had to sustain a steady but
slow build up of energies, which I did by gentle stretching exercises and
setting myself realistic goals. I was also helped greatly by being referred to
the Homeopathic hospital in Bristol where a lovely consultant has treated me as
‘the whole person’. By this time I was able to attend church regularly;
although I had to sit during the whole service. Last October our daughter
presented us which a beautiful grandson, our first grandchild. Although I
was maintaining a steady progress I was still unable to hold him for more
than a few minutes and got easily fatigued. I am not 100% fit but compared to how I was my life has
improved 100%! I can now hold and baby-sit my grandson, which is pure joy, and
also help care for my parents. My mother deteriorated before Christmas and
is now in a nursing home, so my visits are even more important. I can,
since that May Sunday, also stand for the whole service which is great. I have
also joined the ministry healing team and administer to others, which I feel the
Lord is using me for, giving the Glory to the Lord at all times. Carolyn (Liz is an author and the Patron of Hope for M.E.) Just before the Christmas of 1990, my illness had begun to reach a crisis point. I had to return home to live with my parents, as I was no longer able to look after myself. No matter what treatment I tried, my health deteriorated. There seemed to be no prospect of my returning to teaching or resuming any kind of normal life in the near future. I remember thinking at the time that I could not see the point in living if this were to be my existence. I felt utterly broken. I had come to the end of myself and had no resources left. It was then in complete desperation that I surrendered myself totally to God and from that position of absolute weakness, I asked him to heal me. It was like falling backwards. It seemed a tremendous risk, but I had to believe that God would catch me, and he did. In handing myself completely over to him, he was able to transform my situation. A few months earlier I had attended a respite week in Dorset for ME sufferers. During that week I became aware that various forms of meditation were becoming popular among ME sufferers. Consequently, that is when I began to read Open to God. In her book, Joyce Huggett addresses some of the `barriers and blocks' to a deeper prayer life, offering practical guidance on how to be open to God. The book contains a series of meditations to help the individual `unearth for themselves the treasures which are buried in the Bible and hidden in their own hearts'. As I began to read this book, I felt that God was saying to me that Joyce had the answer to my ME. As I had never `heard' from God before, I thought that this must be wishful thinking. At that time, Joyce and her husband David were leaders at my church, though I didn't really know either of them. Shortly after that dreadful Christmas in 1990 and the prospect of an even worse New Year, I felt that God was prompting me to attend a parish weekend. This seemed ridiculous to me as I felt too ill and would probably have to spend most of the time in bed. However, I knew that I was meant to go. Gradually, pieces of God's immense jigsaw began to fit together. During the first session on prayer led by David and Joyce we were encouraged to ‘tune in' to what God was saying to each of us. It was rather like finding the right frequency of a particular station on the radio. Before this session, everything seemed so scrambled that I couldn't hear God, nor did I even know on what frequency to look for him! But suddenly it became very clear. The communication lines between myself and God were open. Was I going mad? Did people really hear voices? I could clearly hear God saying that I had suffered long enough, that he wanted to heal me and that I should approach Joyce for prayer. I was reluctant to do this because I felt embarrassed and would have to overcome a considerable amount of pride to ask for help in this way. Consequently, I tried to ignore the message although it was very persistent. On Sunday, during the final session, God repeated this message with even greater clarity and volume, adding that I would then be free to go and tell others about him. It was now impossible to ignore this message, so I submitted. As Joyce and another member of the church prayed and laid hands on me, I could feel the power of God's healing love sweeping right throughout my body. It felt as if plugs had been removed from my feet and all the ‘bad' ME blood was draining out of me, being purified and transfused. And in flowed the golden liquid presence of God's love. It was awesome. I had personally experienced God and now knew beyond doubt that he existed. As Joyce held me with my head cradled against her chest, I could identify with the Christ-child secure in Mary's arms bound by the love of God. It was the first time that I had really experienced God's love and I felt totally secure in his arms. Shortly afterwards, I went to lie down in my room. I was moved to heart-felt tears that God should want to heal me; that I was worthy of experiencing such depths of God's love and power; and I began to remember the words of the song ‘Such Love'. Not only was I instantly better, but my faith had come alive. Shortly afterwards I wrote: "I can now see God's plan for me. I had to be broken down through ME in order to finally accept Him as my personal Saviour. This was the only way I would listen. God did not inflict this illness on me, but allowed it to happen because he had something very special and deep to share with me. I was then malleable like the potter's clay and could begin to be moulded in His image. My illness was not therefore, ‘God's ultimate punishment' as I had sometimes referred to it, but the ultimate learning experience where He would take me on a journey so that I could experience the full reality of Him." My life seems so much richer now, and I gain great pleasure from the simple things in life which before my illness I had taken for granted. I have been set free from my goldfish bowl existence, I am no longer an envious spectator but a full participant able to venture into the world outside again. Taken from Liz's life changing book Can God Help M.E.? Available from Liz Babbs.com I
have suffered from ME for the past 8 years and 16 months ago my health
deteriorated severely, rendering me totally bedridden, I was too weak to sit up,
I could only speak for 10 minutes or so every 30 minutes to an hour, I also had
multiple symptoms and severe over-sensitivities especially to noise and to a
less extent light and I also suffered chronic severe pain. Due to, I believe,
following a very strict pacing program I did start to make very small
improvements in August 2006, although by early December 2006 I was still totally
bedridden and could only sit up for 2 minutes or so once daily. At
the start of December 2006 I was listening to an audio book, Love Never Fails by
Adrian Rose, www.adrian-rose.com, and reading small passages from the book (the
ME prevents me from reading more than 1 or 2 paragraphs a few times daily)
written by a young man who had suffered severe ME for 8 years before God stepped
in and dramatic healing took place, followed by a gradual recovery period
culminating in God restoring him to full health within 18 months. Annabel x I cried to you for help O
Lord and you healed me. In my distress I
call to the Lord; I cried to my God for help.
From His temple He heard my voice; my cry came before Him, into His ears. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and
forget not all His benefits – who forgives all your sins and heals all your
diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and
compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is
renewed like the eagles. His compassion never fails In October 2001 I collapsed and
spent weeks in hospital searching for a diagnosis; it was M.E.
A very sceptical medical team sent me home.
That was the beginning of a journey into the darkest depths of severe
M.E. It escalated very quickly and
rendered me totally bedridden, unable to tolerate any light, or sound, unable to
read, unable to hold a conversation, unable to watch T.V. or to listen to music,
I was also touch/skin sensitive. During
the next 2½ years I verged on suicide, depression, desperation in all
its most ravaged sort. I lost my
sleep and suffered severe sleep deprivation.
I was on oxygen and couldn’t tolerate drugs of any kind, even the
smallest dose. My brain would go
into ‘close downs’ and I wanted to scream with the agony of it.
My husband was my only carer until his health started to suffer, then I
had a succession of carers. UNTIL----Praise
the Lord, He heard my wailings. My
husband and I were not Christians. But
Jesus in His compassion sent to me two Born Again Christian carers.
The difference was outstanding. They
seemed to know my every need. One
of them had a vision of me and knew I was going to be healed.
In our very few moments when we were able to speak together she started
to ‘drip feed me with His goodness’. Things
at first seemed worse. But
gradually I knew the situation was changing.
I could get out of bed and sit in a chair – counting up to ten before
getting back in. I was getting
scriptures in my head. My husband
went and bought a Bible. I was
getting excited. But the months
came and went. Prayer after prayer.
But Fran my carer held fast. She
had ‘seen’ it happen, she believed. Leading
up to Easter 2004, more things were changing.
Then on Good Friday I deteriorated extremely rapidly.
In desperation my husband sent for Fran’s Pastor.
She arrived with another of her pastoral team that evening.
We prayed I accepted Jesus as my Saviour.
I was anointed. I slept a
peaceful sleep until the early hours. I
awoke with a battle in my head. I
was healed, but thoughts were trying to steal it away.
If I believed I was healed, and acted on it, I could have a major
relapse. I remembered Fran saying
“take a step of faith if God says you’re healed”.
I took it – blow the consequences, I wanted to be healed.
I walked, took out the ear plugs that I’d had to continuously wear.
Opened the windows to a bright sunny day; had a shower and washed my
hair. I
have been walking in that healing every day since. There are days when doubts creep in, but I sweep them away
and keep my eyes on Jesus. I know
deep in my heart that Jesus is real and is alive today and wants
to heal His people. There is so
much to tell you about what has happened to me and maybe one day when He calls
me to do so, I will write it all down in detail.
Put your trust in Him and don’t contaminate yourself with all the
alternative methods. I found to my
cost how harmful they are. Our
healer stands before each one of you with His arms stretched out to you.
Trust in Him for He is able to heal, restore, redeem and deliver you from
all harm. Amen
We hope and pray that these testimonies have encouraged you. Another testimony will appear every month but we'd like to take this opportunity to ask for more of you to send yours in. It doesn't have to be a healing testimony. It can be how you find the strength in God to continue, lessons you've learned through your suffering or some way in which God has spoken to you through it all. We would also be particularly interested in the testimonies of carers, how have you coped looking after someone with M.E./FMS? We would love to hear from you. You can send them direct to webmaster@hopeforme.info. Thank You |
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All bible references on this site are taken from the New International Version